Yep!! Today's the first day of Ramadhan, but unfortunately I can't fast today due to the reason of "illness". XD Yeah... the typical menstruation time again. WHYY??? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE ON THE FIRST DAY OF FASTING???!!!!!! Haiyaa... =__=" I was kinda looking forward to fast during the month of Ramadhan, but heck!! The "illness" suddenly come to say "hello" to me... So today is the first day of Ramadhan and also the first day for my menstruation period this month. *ironic!*

I moved out from Akasia totally this morning and MANN what a hell loads of luggage did I brought back home. Mostly my books, my radion, my junk sketch books and sum design models. Good thing I brought back all my cltothes the week before. If not it would be rather tiring to be bringing SUCH LOAD home at once. =_="

So here I am back at home, for GOOD!!! Mwahahahaha!!
(untill the new semester starts around 28th of November)

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I went to pick "him" up yesterday. ^^ Glad to finally able to see him again!! I haven't met him for over a month!! We always see each at least once a month. Last time it was twice a week, that was when both of us haven't started college yet. But now we have to sacrifice things up for our studies. Yeah... sure... I missed him a lot, and it was such a relief to be able to see him again. But he does look tired and weary... Maybe because of the distant travel from Melaka. Or maybe he was just dead tired of his semester exam. ^^; He looks quite sick to me. I just hope he's fine. Though he kept telling me loads of time that he IS fine. But he doesn't look as fine. I'm quite worried... *_*

You know, I was being quite harsh to him for the past days. I don't know why I did it to him... Yesterday when he said he loves me, and he was expecting me to say I love him too (as usual), I bluntly told him "I am not sure if I love u..." This disappoints him. I've told him the same thing days before, on the phone, when I was actually about to let him go, and ask him to let me go, but he doesn't want it. Well, I think it's quite good of him to actually have spirit to keep this relationship still going. a few days after the conversation, I keep on thinking "HECK!! Why did I say that? I know I couldn't even live without him!! My life would be nothing,, He's the one who kept my spirits up." =_=;;; And yet, I dunno why I still kept telling him I dunno if I love him or not.. When the fact is, my soul needs him...

It's just sumtimes he pisses me off... well, slightly.............
not his fault entirely... it's me and my mood swings. poor dude, hav to cope with it. @_@

Actually, I am still not sure of my actual feelings.. I don't want to go on too serious in stuff, because I am insecure... really I am!! I don't know why... >__<;; He had always been so nice to me, so caring, so understanding, so patient!! What more do i need?? O_O I dunno.. I just dunno.. it's not that I hate him (and I seriously DON'T hate him), it's just I am not confident of loving him as much. I hate myself... I do. =_=;

fuck
i dunno what i am saying..