I couldn't believe what I have done unconsciously to one of my dear old friend who have been supporting me and helped me a lot through out the years we have been friends. I'm pissed off by the stupid green monster of envy and jealousy that's been taking over me until I could do such a cruel thing to my dear friend. I知 not worthy to be considered as her friend. A friend DOESN'T HURT each other, a friend is THERE for each other, and most importantly, a friend TRUSTS each other. I lack so much at the *trust* part. =_=・

I was jealous when I saw Arizsan and her are laughing together. I was jealous when I saw them talking to each other. I was jealous when I know Arizsan is spending his time with her instead of with me. I was jealous when I know both of them have A LOT in common. Both of them plays basketball, both of them is a sportsperson, and she gets along so well with almost ANYONE!!! >_< And there I was, thinking all this nonsense that one day she might be the one taking Arizsan away from me.

I know she wouldn't do that.....
And I know Arizsan wouldn't allow such a thing to happen...

But why, when I am so blinded by hatred and jealousy, I couldn't see all that???

What makes matters worst, I hurt her when we went out together. There we are, me, Arizsan, her and another idiotic friend not worth mentioning. XD (kyahaha!!) It was supposed to be a fun and cheerful outing for us to get together again since it has been a while since I go out with her. It turned out *cold*. I was ignoring her a few times... When she politely ask me questions, I deliberately answer in a raging tone and sometimes turns into sarcasm. >,< And when we were walking, I was kind of avoiding her. I was clinging to Arizsan and partly ignoring her.

Me and Arizsan had a talk that night about this matter. I found out that something happened to my dear friend during that outing, and I felt so guilty coz I was the one responsible for the outing and I was the one inviting all the people. It's my fault... All of that's happening that day, it's all MY FAULT...

I still haven't say sorry to her...
I'm afraid to face her...

=____________=;;

*baka*

I'm a terrible friend... =_=