I just had a conversation on the phone with him.
Seems like he just checked out on my blogger.

*sigh*

I dunno what to think anymore...
It's the same.. again and again..
He kept on reminding the same thing..
I kept on with my ego and do the things I'm used to and whatever I feel like doing... It's wrong. Deep down inside of me I know it's wrong to do so... It's not right. You can't live like I do in a place where community, communication and social relationship counts in life. You can't live by yourself in a place where community, communication and social relationship counts in life. Even if you do live by yourself, you're not living a healthy life... Interaction and socializing with the community (or group of peers) around you is important. Dalam agama pun sendiri galakkan kite berkerjasama, tolong-menolong, bantu-membantu sesame sendiri. Kalau tak bertegur sapa ngan sesama sendiri lebih dari 3 hari pun dah kira berdosa. See... Agama tu sendiri tak menggalakkan kita hidup seorang tapi menggalakkan kite berkawan, berinteraksi, dan hidup dalam harmoni sesame sendiri. =__=;;
Blame it on me, I just noticed!
Jahil...

Aku bukan la susah mana pun nak fit in crowd... Most people would accept me as I am even if sometimes they'd find me very sarcastic, extreme and evil. But we joke around when the situation is not tight. We still hang out together... Cuma masa-masa tegang tu memang berapi jugak lar. It's the temper.. my short temper.. my mood swings.. my extreme thoughts and emotion. Extreme... Extreme... Extreme...
Dah berapa ramai dah cakap kat aku, aku ni extreme...
What extreme?? When it comes to thinking, I'd either think that it's either really bad or really good. It's either okay or not okay. No compromising... When making decission or advice or thoughts about something, it would either be black or white. No greymatter... Heheh..

Let's say that when someone come over you and he or she is giving a bad first impression. I would directly just HATE that person untill he or she would show me the better side of him or herself. Well, most people would consider that he or she gave that bad side of themself because of some reason. Let's say they're nervous or they're trying hard to convince you how good they are. Well, in my case I would just ignore that possibilities and reason and just HATE that person from the start till the end. That is what they mean of my extreme-ness........ When I like sumthing, I really like it.. When I hate it, I despise it... When I'm bored, I'd just leave that thing be... The same thing when it comes to showing emotion. When I love sumthing, I'd get really attached and tends to get really insecure and jealous when things doesn't go my way. When I hate sumthing I just tend to make them hate me too in a way...

That.. is.. just.. ME!!

So.. this is the part where Ariz come to save me from being LOST in my own world. Hurmm... He's changing my perspective view of seeing life. He's trying to make me see world in a rational position. He's trying to not make myself being hated and misjudged by others... He's trying to make a "better" person out of me...

I'm glad he still care for me after all this while I seek for his attention. He adviced me and gave me reasons as why I should change my "despicable" behaviour of treating others in an extreme way. He asked me to think.. think about other's feeling instead of just ourselves. He wants me to quit living in my own world and start to "open up". Stop it!! Just stop it!! Stop living by myself..
No..
I am not living by myself..
I am living in my own world..
WITH HIM!!
He wants to take me out of this world and start to be more mature... Start to consider others coz others will come and go into your life. They'll be the one to hep you and also may be the one who'd destroy you. But that is what life is all about. Give and take... You give sumthing to others and others will take sumthing from you. If you just sit there by yourself without any give and take, you won't go nowhere.

GAHHHH!!!!!!!! >.<
;__; I really don't know how to live...

I've been living in my own "safe" barrier...
He wants to take me out and open me up...
I don't want to.............. I'm happy as how I am...
am i.. happy??
I'd be just happy if I'm just by myslef.
But I'm not..
He's with me.. And he hated seeing me like this.




















think ayez think......
stop being so egoistic...
be considerate.......

stop it!! just stop it!!
stop hurting!!! stop hurting others... stop hurting yourself!!!!!

----

the phone conversation also lead to the naked truth that he's beginning to hate me. Yeah.. he admitted it. On the scale of 0 - 10.. (0 being that he still loves me, and 10 he hates me), he said that his scale is at 0.5...... Which means he loves me but starting to get fedup a bit...

being the extreme me, i was expecting an answer of 0... but it came out 0.5. I went paranoid and thought that HE HATES ME.

f*ckit!
he's NOT!! 0.5 is... like.. HECK!! Come on laaa... ayez!!!!! stupid!!! 0.5 = he loves me but I'm hurting him for being like this. He doesn't hate me...... just that he still have feelings and if I am constantly keep on being like this, the scale would increase to a certain dangerous point.

So.. stop it...
try to change...
for the sake of YOURSELF!!!!!

;______;
oneechan.... i'm lost......
hariz.... you made me think.....
ayez..... why do u have to be so difficult....

p/s: happy 1st anniversary to Shez and Kel!! >v<